Too Much

My dear Gs,

Today as we were driving to school (we left 10 minutes earlier!), this song came on:

And I lost it.  I was able to choke it back enough to keep driving but had to turn the music up because I didn't want you to hear and wasn't quite ready to explain to you why I was crying.  I just had a moment where all the loss and sadness and stress of the last several months hit me and I need to cry.

A couple of weeks ago, I was in the car with Grandma Curran and Aunt Lydia and you, Grace, and the three grown-ups were all crying.  At Sonic.  While waiting for Happy Hour beverages.  And we were trying to explain to you why we were sad.  But there's not really a way to explain to a 5 year old what we were feeling.  That we were just tired of feeling sad.  Tired of seeing people we love hurt.  Tired of the world, sometimes.

I guess I'm telling you this because I want you to know that sometimes life is hard.  And it is for everyone.  No one is immune to hard times-- to death, to sorrow, to pain.  Knowing God and trusting him does not mean we won't ever be sad.  But it does mean that we have hope for greater things and hope for the future!  It also means that we can find the good in every thing.  Every illness, every day at the hospital, even every small annoyance in life.  And sometimes you have to remember all of the good.  I remind myself of the big good things God has done and the little things, too, like getting to put you to bed and you giving me hugs when I pick you up from school or doing something fun and silly with Daddy.

Running through the sprinklers... a little thing that makes you so happy and makes me smile!

So when you see me crying and it's hard for me to explain, know that while I am sad, I have lots of hope.  And I know that good things are here and coming and that there is so much for which to be thankful, including you.

I love you!

Mommy